“The strangers in this town, they raise you up just to cut you down”

by alittlehoneyformyheart

“Oh Angela it’s a long time coming…

Oh Angela spent your whole life running away”

This is the kind of song that i’m only brave enough to listen to once. Maybe three maybe four times. But never on repeat. Songs like these are not like the others.

It reminds me of how fragile i am as a human being. It makes me aware of all the things i’m feeling underneath but refuse to acknowledge, all the things i hide away and keep myself busy from and i don’t think i like it.

It’s the kind of song which i find myself skimming over, too afraid to get attached to, too afraid to appreciate– it leaves my heart aflutter but that is all i’m willing to feel.

This is my first time listening to it and probably even the last. Songs like these welcome unwelcome sentiments.

I don’t know what it’s about other than a pregnant woman called Angela leaving her life behind. I don’t even relate to the lyrics or feel the need to find meaning in it. All i know is that it makes me emotionally regurgitate everything that i’ve kept pressed down for a long while now.

It even makes me think about my grandfather all over again.

I told myself i wouldn’t cry listening to this song, i told myself i would write down a post just to rid myself of whatever growing attachment i had to the song but it’s too fucking late. It always fucking is.

 ****

“All I Want” by Kodaline and “Angela” by The Lumineers bring so much pain and relief to me. It’s not even an “oh man, this stupid cheesy song reminds me of my stupid ex who dedicated it to me almost a decade ago, it’s so fucking lame, switch it off… but first let me sing along to it”. Or a “oh ew this mainstream song that everyone’s listening to, switch it off before i start singing along to it and everyone finds out how lame i am”.

I wish it were like that but I legitimately never ever want to hear any of these songs ever again.

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