The Truth and how i feel about it
It’s a bit like when you drop someone off at the grocery store to get overnight supplies for you and you remind them to get you a toothbrush.
“What kind?” they ask.
“Any colour, now for christ’s sake, can you get a move on already?”
But then they come back with a fluorescent orange one or a green one and you can’t help but feel a twinge of muffled disappointment because only then do you realize that you could have really appreciated the motivational qualities of a snazzy red one or an energetic blue, especially when it’s 2 in the morning and the prospect of brushing your teeth isn’t exactly calling out your name.
It’s not something that actively crosses your mind so you don’t really let it bother you but when it does hit you between the legs, you can’t help but think “i wasn’t expecting much but at the same time i certainly wasn’t expecting a kick in the nuts”.
So that basically sums up the fog i’ve been going around in for the past few days. It’s a sad mixture of denial and determination and a lot of “i should have seen it coming” and “that explains everything” and quite a bit of “i guess i knew all along”. And i suppose there’s also the “i’m glad nothing happened because then i can go on living my life in a happy relationship and learn to be a grateful muthfcka that i know i can be if i just tried harder”. But more on the “why don’t you love me still, asshole” part though.
Not having the upperhand sucks, big fucking time.