What is going on with me? + New perspective of 2016
At the rate everything is happening, it’s getting more and more difficult for me to believe that we’re only two months into the year. But the good thing is, i’m not jaded yet and honestly, i’ve just been taking everything in my stride. I won’t say i’ve been completely swamped with work but i have had one or two breakdowns already BUT only because i didn’t have a day to myself to unwind during the entire week. I mean, if you consider this semester to the one before this, then obviously the former seems like a rollercoaster in comparison. Which as usual, brings me to the question: how the fuck am i supposed to cope with working life? I can’t just burst into tears and run over someone with my car every time i feel self-neglected, can i? And i very well can’t request for a day off per week to spend just lounging in bed, watching Netflix (yes, they have Netflix now in Brunei and honestly, i do see what the hype is about now, i really do, darling) and never having to get up and do mundane things like brushing my teeth or driving somewhere and having to park my car some place.
But at the same time, another weird phase that has really defined the past eight weeks of 2016 for me is just how extremely grateful i’ve been feeling lately. And to be honest, i am completely and utterly in love with this part of myself that i’ve never really tuned into before. I revel in how happy it makes me to be able to look at my life and my things and my friends and think of lucky i am to have them present in my life. And what i find strangest about it all is that according to my Chinese zodiac in which i was born in the year of the monkey, i’m supposed to be having a really shitty year this year which is the year of the golden monkey (so apparently, the way that it works is that you’re supposed to have a shitty year on the year of your zodiac, not the other way round). But definitely nowhere as bad as the goats had it last year. Trust me. I was talking to this girl the other day and she was telling me about what a terrible year she had in 2015. And i was like “aww it couldn’t have been that bad”. And she was like, “uh yeah. My boyfriend of 4 years dumped me and my best friend died”. And i didn’t/couldn’t say anything else after that.
So all year (okay for the past two months) i’ve been prepping myself up and yeah perhaps you could say that i’ve been over prepping myself but it really is working wonders for me. I feel so in awe when i think about my life, even the bumpy bits keep me optimistic (but please God if you’re reading this please don’t take this as a challenge to up the ante, i am more than perfectly fine with what i have now.) ((OH MY GOD SEE I DID IT AGAIN SO GRATEFUL)). The other day i was looking at my clothes and thinking to myself that i have so many that i can’t even unpack anymore when i get back from traveling, to the point where both my closets and both the racks are so full that i have to keep my suitcase open on the floor as a makeshift cupboard. And i suddenly felt so excited to wear all my clothes again. And i wondered why i only wear certain clothes on a daily basis when i have all these great ones that i’ve forgotten about.
I haven’t even watched beauty-related videos on youtube for months! I’ve been so excited to go through all my makeup that i haven’t really taken much notice of any new things on the market. Like literally i’ve been getting so excited thinking of all the lipsticks in my makeup drawer that i have yet to make a dent in and how satisfied i’m going to be when i actually run out and have to get proper new ones that i actually need. What is going on with me?! (Okay as an afterthought, i think this is a bit of a lie. I just booked a Tarte set online BUT it was only $30 for three travel-sized products. And i’ve always wanted to try Tarte! And it’s so cheap i mean $30 is practically the price of a blusher, if you think about it).
Or maybe i’m just all burnt out from the shopping in Jakarta. Yeah. Could be it.
But in the mean time, i’m just going to roll with it (SEE I’M DOING IT AGAIN JUST TAKING IT IN MY STRIDE AND RUNNING WITH IT) and bask in my new perspective. That’s all.
P.s. Don’t even try to pull that #newyearnewme shit on me though. I will turn your face inside out if you so much as accuse me of partaking in something as corny as that.