“I’m so crazy stupid happy”

by alittlehoneyformyheart

Tonight is just one of those nights where i feel like the luckiest girl alive. Ironically, it wasn’t by some romantic gesture that my boyfriend had devised leaving me giddy and stupid with happiness. It actually began with him arriving in front of the coffee shop i was in with furious relief etched all over his face. And to be honest, the entire scene could have blown up in something ugly as i defensively accosted him at the entrance while he wagged his finger at me with ill-concealed anger.

“Don’t do this right now,” i warn him through gritted teeth, not knowing what his problem was but sensing intuitively that whatever it was, it wouldn’t be solved (in fact, i wouldn’t let it be solved) until he had calmed down.

But i’m getting ahead of myself.

So all that happened was basically, my phone battery went flat, i thought i’d told him that i’d arrived safely at the coffee place where i was meeting my friends (key point: apparently, i didn’t), there was a thunderstorm at his place, he thought there was a thunderstorm as well wherever i was and after two hours of being m.i.a., he assumed that i’d gotten caught in the storm and imagined that i was lying in a ditch somewhere so he went to look for me in every branch of the coffee place i was in before finding me in the third one.

The thing about us as a couple is that, we’re not the type to keep tabs on one another. We’re not the type to be jealous whenever the other is out with other people; we respect each other’s space whenever we know the other is busy; we understand each other’s need to socialize with other people instead of just being together around the clock. Basically, we don’t have trust issues. We do what we want, when we need to and however we want to.

On the unspoken condition that we keep each other updated on our respective locations. Just a casual “i’ve just reached so-and-so with so-and-so” or “leaving the house now, will text you when i get there” and “going home now, text you as soon as”. Purely for safety concerns because i think we share the common fear of anything  bad happening to each other and not knowing how and where to reach them. Just knowing that i’ve made it from A to B is good enough for him (most of the time) and honestly, while i am equally the worrier, i’m perfectly fine with just a check in from time to time, letting me know wherever he is. So if ever he doesn’t get back to me in three hours, i know where to go first. Like i said, we don’t do it out of insecurity because we expect to catch each other unawares in the act of infidelity *knocks on wood* or to keep us on our toes at all times as a deterrent or any juvenile shit like that.

We do it just out of concern for each other’s safety.

Which apparently, i failed to do so tonight. So he came after me because the last thing i told him was that i would be at the coffee place after driving from another dinner with a different group of friends. But because he never got an update that i’d arrived and my phone had died, he imagined the worst and went scouring the deserted, stormy highways in a frantic search. I suppose it was understandable but all the same, i was embarrassed when he showed up crazy-eyed with relief. Lol. So we had a tiny spat and i grudgingly pulled him over to my table where my friends were waiting with abated breath, waiting to see if we’d have our lovers’ quarrel in full view of everyone.

But we never fight for long anyway. So we sheepishly nudged each other and bickered openly for a bit while rolling our eyes after which all my friends took his side and gushed about how lucky i was and how sweet D was. Honestly, i was still really embarrassed because i could see his eyes shiny with relief and fear after what he described as a harrowing two hours of waiting for an answer and searching the streets. And that made me want to cry as well because i felt bad for making him worry so much. But ever the stubborn ass, i carried on with my nudges and teasing taunts and eyerolls which he reciprocated half-heartedly.

He stayed with us until the shop closed and we all had our departing cigarettes for another hour in the parking lot, discussing our December trip to Jakarta which he engaged in with cool enthusiasm, offering shortcuts and suggestions. The whole time, i felt a crazy swelling in my heart, so filled with love i could barely contain it.

“What did i do to get so lucky to have you as mine?…

And more importantly, what crime did you commit to have me as yours?”

I love him. I love him. I love him.

And let it be known, for every time i modestly roll my eyes at any mention from my friends of how lucky i am and how sweet we are as a couple, my heart beats a little faster with secret agreement because honey, i know. I knew i struck gold the night i drunkenly fell into his arms on our second date and he instinctively fed me watermelon to my dry-mouthed delight before hoisting me into the car and carefully driving me home at four in the morning. During his own birthday party.

Now that’s love.