CARLESS + I’m thirteen all over again!

by alittlehoneyformyheart

My car broke down today. Four times to be exact. Eight including the times i tried to switch it back on and it wouldn’t, leaving me stranded in the middle of the road, twice in front of two different traffic lights, once at the zebra crossing on campus. I feel so lost without it. Tomorrow i have class and my dad will be giving me a ride to uni and picking me up after, it’s only been a few hours without my car and i already feel suffocated just thinking about all the awkward rides i’ll have to go through.

Already i’ve thought to myself, “hmm maybe i can stop by Giant tomorrow if the printer at uni doesn’t work” and then visibly drooped after realizing that i wouldn’t have the liberty of doing so because…i don’t have a car. I was also happily downloading a new song to add to my playlist for tomorrow’s drive to uni until it hit me that i wouldn’t be driving myself anyway T.T

And then I told my dad that my class begins at 10 a.m. but after discussing with some of the other students about a group presentation we’re having at 12 p.m. and deciding to have a last minute meeting beforehand to smooth over any potential bumps, i made the decision to skip tomorrow’s class… and the first thought that hit me was, “oh man, how do i tell my dad that i’m not going to class? Will he know if i tell him to drop me at the cafeteria? What if he asks me where my class is?!” and before i knew it, i was already formulating a lie about the cryptic location of my class and so and so. And then i caught myself. What the fuck am i doing?! I feel like i’m 13 all fucking over again!

It’s crazy how having the simplest liberty of driving your own self to class taken away renders one completely helpless and feeling all juvenile. I hate that i feel indebted to my dad now and that i have to play my cards right and be nice to him so that he gets my car fixed a.s.a.p. I hate how it’s currently 2 a.m. and i hate how he caught me in the kitchen looking for ice cream and how when he asked me what i was doing, i couldn’t snap at him or mumble something incoherent translating to “mind your own business please” because i need him to give me a ride tomorrow. I hate not having the power to come and go as i please, i hate the feeling of being under someone’s thumb! I hate it i hate it i hate it!

I’m sorry if this post is super angsty and super immature-sounding and it probably has tons of grammatical mistakes but i’m just so sleepy and i haven’t taken a nap all day and i also haven’t finished my notes for my presentation and yet all i can do is crave the ice cream in the freezer (after my dad asked me what i was doing he went to the toilet and i immediately made my escape). I’ve already decided that i’m going to drizzle half of it in coconut cream and have the other half sprinkled in Milo/chocolate powder! Yaaaaaaaaaaasssssss

Okay goodnight. Praying that tomorrow goes better than expected– and trust me, i have very low expectations for it. That’s all for now!