July started off on the wrong foot + Losing Our Shit + An entire list dedicated to petty problems
So the past week hasn’t been all that great for Dem and i. Only yesterday, I belatedly blogged about a huge fight i had with him and eventhough that was a throwback, the gap between both fights seems too close for comfort. Typically, as most big fights stupidly do, it started with something petty. Or should i say, a series of unfortunate petty events, mostly stemming from my own side, i must confess. But i still don’t think i’m completely in the wrong for getting angry in the end (and me getting a visit from Aunt Flo for the second time this month isn’t helping things either), tell me what you think.
Yesterday, he told me he had the beginnings of a sore throat and perhaps a fever as his body wasn’t feeling too well. I rolled my eyes for a bit and mentioned his smoking habits but snapped to attention anyway. I go into the kitchen and began boiling a pot of porridge from scratch, filled to the brim with vegetable goodness and bursting flavour, to the best of my abilities…which aren’t that great to be honest but i know when something tastes good when i see it. It took me an entire hour of boiling, stirring, chopping and all that jazz. After i’m done, sweaty and feeling like i’ve just completed an entire triathlon (my kitchen stamina is terrible as you can tell), i head over to his place.
Disclaimer: You should know that my boyfriend and i are on opposite sides when it comes to our stance on food. I’m happiest with an entire 8 course meal (or you know, just a larrrge 3 course meal will do) laid out in front of me but on the other hand, if you told Dem that he had to settle for rice and chicken for every meal for the rest of his life, you probably wouldn’t hear him grumble all that much about it. So being well prepared, i offered to feed him the porridge in an attempt to get him to put enough of it down (i swear, he’s such a man baby). Amidst assurances that it’s “yummy”, he barely manages to empty the minuscule bowl. Later that night he proudly told me that he ate another bowl of it and assured me that he’d have it for breakfast again.
The next day he casually goes, “i’m going to head to McD’s for breakfast”. “What happened to the porridge?” “Idk it went bad, it tasted sour when i tasted it today” “…did you leave it on the table the whole night?” “yeah…was i supposed to put it in the fridge?” “……….”. So literally, more than half the entire container went down the drain by the next morning. I’m sorry if i sound like a fking petty auntie right now but you don’t understand! I don’t COOK. I don’t know how to CARE for sick people. So when i do, it’s a pretty damn big deal. For me at least.
So i was pretty pissed about that but okay, i got over myself.
Petty incident #2: So D tends to have this annoying habit where he pretends to walk past me and pretends not to see me or he greets me with a poker face (i swear we’re together and i’m not just imagining our relationship lol #notmyimaginaryboyfriend) wherever we are, in public, in private or wherever. I feel like that’s his way of “acting cool” so it doesn’t really bother me in general since he does it jokingly most of the time. Later that night he tells me to come over which i do. But since, i was still a tad miffed about petty incident #1 and since he was the one who begged me to come over, i’d say our situation was still on shaky ground. So i walk into the living room and his colleague greets me, meanwhile D doesn’t acknowledge me, merely looks up from his phone and lifts his eyebrows. Not in a douchey way but more in a “i’m too cool to be excited to see you” way. AND THIS PISSES ME OFF
Petty incident #3: Throughout the night, i’m talking to him and i have to repeat myself at least two or three times before i get an answer or any sign that he’s even heard me or understood me at all.
Petty incident #4: We went to take away some chicken soup for his throat, he saw some friends and decided to leave me in the car for about half an hour while he animatedly discussed some “important work matter” with them. Meanwhile, i’m just sitting patiently in the car because by then i realize that i can only get mad so many times and it’s getting redundant.
Last straw: We pick my brother up from work and then drop D off back home and after petting me on the head like i’m his fucking dog (okay, maybe he wasn’t feeling a goodnight kiss in front of my little brother, fine), he goes out of the car and leaves the door open because he thinks my brother is getting in. I tell him to close the door but since he can’t hear me over my loud engine, i toot the car horn and he throws a fucking mini-tantrum for a split second and tells me i’m making a racket and asks me what my problem is. I mean, how dare you get mad at me in front of my brother?? Plus i hate seeing him lose his temper cause he looks like one of those little girls from Toddlers and Tiaras krumping.
I zoom out of the driveway and lose my shit.
He texts me and calls me about 20 times because he’s wondering why i’m not answering since i usually update as soon as i’m home and vice versa, for safety reasons. I finally reply him and i tell him i’m sick of him, i say that i don’t enjoy feeling under appreciated or undervalued, i don’t condone being taken forgranted. And i tell him tomorrow i’m sending my brother to return back the money that he just deposited into my account earlier tonight because i cannot be fucking bought. Just because he foots my expenses does not mean he can get away with treating me like the bare minimum. I’m sorry but i’m a little more complicated than that.
He’s obviously mad and denying everything and even tells me that if i send the money back tomorrow, i’ll never see him again after that. I ignore his texts and calls because i told him i was giving him a preview of how life would feel like if i was out of his because he might just enjoy it? Suddenly, he tells me that his fever is coming back and that he’s going to silent his phone.
It’s been an hour and a half and by now, i’m feeling a lot more rational. But obviously, he’s taken his fever medicine and has fallen asleep already and silenced his phone just like he said he would.
Only then do i remember that i hate prolonging our fights and i hate leaving the night this way…something i didn’t consider when i rejected all his calls. As mule-headed as my threats sound, i can’t imagine life without him and i know he wouldn’t want to live a life without me either. But on the other hand… i don’t want to turn into some doting slave girlfriend while he turns into an entitled bread-winner. Fuck that shit.
I swear i’m not usually this calculative or vengeful and i swear that he’s really not even half of the douche that this post makes him seem. It’s just like i said, a series of unfortunate petty events and bad fucking timing. I’ve called him a few times by now but he’s obviously asleep because i know he’d want to talk it out as well.
But i’m guessing that for tonight, i’m sleeping with a heavy heart.