My bf’s friends hate me? + Super long backstory + 3 hours of my ears burning off
I have a really good “listening face” and i’ve accepted that while it comes in handy sometimes, it’s also one my biggest disadvantages. People see me and they want to tell me their life stories and immediately launch into what they’ve been up to without sending so much as a polite “how have you been” my way. Either that or the only people that i encounter are all ignorant, self-centered bastards.
Backstory: A few nights ago i had a massive argument with my boyfriend (i actually drafted an entire post about it but after mulling it over, felt like it was too personal to publish and in a way already too irrelevant considering we made up less than an hour later). But it got pretty ugly at one point because i was screaming on top of my lungs, angry tears streaming down my face and him with that furious glint in his eye and an open snare on his lips, pointing an accusing finger at me while driving to his friend’s place that i wasn’t too keen on going to. I don’t have anything against his friends but it’s just that because i tend to be so polite and make a habit of putting up a great front, in a way i feel like i get rigid and stiff because it feels like i’m always on my best behavior in front of people.
You know how some people put up barriers between themselves and others by being cold and unendearing? I’m the total opposite. I put up barriers by being so sociable and utterly charming that only after we’re done talking and i’ve walked away in relief, then only will you realize that you never even got anything out of me, let alone a real connection. On the outside people tend to compliment me on my “social/communication skills” and how i’m so friendly but it really couldn’t be further from the truth. It exhausts me to no end.
So the main problem here is that while on the outside i’m all sunny and chitchat, i do my best not to socialize where possible since there’s really no such thing as a simple “hi!” when it comes to me interacting with other people, that’s how friendly i get in a panicky social situation. If there are people in the living room of the house my boyfriend is staying at, i would rather sit on my thumbs in his room til i’m blue in the face than make an appearance. So because they see me so little when they know for a fact that i’m upstairs and since my car is literally always in their garage, i suppose after almost a year of “living together” they can sense that i’m either snobby, fake or cold because while i’m always friendly and nice when they do get to see me, i never go a step further than that if i can help it. I’ll never be one of those girlfriends or wives who can sit in the communal living room and watch tv together or cook dinner for the entire house and sit by idly while the men converse. I just can’t.
So, anyway, somehow in the midst of the argument, my boyfriend suddenly reveals that his friends think that he’s afraid of me. Shocked, i’m rendered speechless. I almost can’t handle this revelation because in a way i’ve almost been expecting it but i never thought that the confrontation would be so…open. I thought that this would be something that people would keep to themselves, like a secret thought that goes unsaid. It’s not fair that just because i’m not as openly friendly or jolly like the other wives/girlfriends, i’m automatically deemed as domineering.
“What, just because you’re always with me they think that you’re my bitch or something?! Do they think that i force you to be with me every night?! So now it’s my fault that now that i’m back, you’re not with them 24 hours of the day??”
I collapse yet again in a fresh wave of angry sobs. It’s just so unfair that they assume that i’m the one who’s demanding that my boyfriend be with me all the time when it’s really the other way round. He’s clingy in an endearing way that’s not forceful or suffocating but in the way that appreciates me being close to him whenever possible and in return, i reciprocate. So it’s annoying that his “bros” assume that i’m the one pulling all the strings.
However, I do admit that when i’m there, i do expect him to actually be with me most of the time considering that it is his place and i’m there because of him. So i get irritated when he tells me to come over and then disappears downstairs for the next 45 minutes or so just because he’s comfortable knowing that i’m in his room and that i’m near to him. Because if you wanted to hang out with your friends, that’s 100% fine, but why call me over when you know that’s not my kind of thing? Hence that’s a possible reason that i could come across as demanding since he’s always having to divide his time between being in his room and his living room.
So anyway long story short! Back to the point of this whole post, we make up after talking it out in the car and when we reach his friend’s house, again i play the whole amiable girlfriend role which truth be told, he’s proud of because i make such an effort (but i can’t help that i’m just so inconsistent about it!). Then we head back to the staffhouse where in an attempt to make ammends and show my boyfriend that i am capable of socializing, i amiably sit in the living room and take part in conversation.
So now, guess what? With the help of my “amazing listening and communication skills”, three hours later, it’s 2 a.m. and i am still sitting on the same fucking spot and my butt cheeks are numb because one of his “bros” won’t stop fucking yapping to me. I’ve literally heard his entire motherfucking life story (his backpacking stories, his travelling habits, his highschool adventures, how his parents got divorced when he was in college 10 years ago, how they remarried other people and then eventually got married back to each other again, how he used to catch the trains to so and so– FTS) and yet i have no fucking knowledge as to how to put a stop to this. HOW. HOW. HOWWWW
I think i’m just going to lock myself in the room for the next two months and pray to god that this guy forgets my face and doesn’t speak to me ever again.
God, i hate listening to people talk.