Fabulosity drought + Tumblr lovin’ + Saying Goodbyes (part 2)
I had a few drafts typed for these past few nights 😦 But as things go, i’m just not feeling any of them anymore. Lol. I think for me that’s probably the worst side effect of procrastinating; having to abandon things as the moment passes and finding that it’s finally too late to do anything!
I just finished binge watching a few episodes on Keeping Up With the Kardashians– pretty unusual for me considering i don’t really have the patience for reality tv– but everyone needs a few doses of fabulosity every once in a while.
I guess i’ve been missing my life in Jakarta, like having money and going to fancy restaurants and getting my hair and nails done on a weekly basis, since everything is the complete opposite with my life back here. There are no fancy places to go to (and even if there were, i am literally earning a driver’s wage right now which mainly consists of my boyfriend filling my fuel tank and then me driving my brother/cousin to the mall and charging them $5 each time. SOS), no reason to have my hair done or my nails done, no occasion to dress up for.
Which is also why i’ve gone back to Tumblr for the past few days!
Five notes! Not bad for someone who hasn’t been active for the past three to five years eh! And then i went on to update my tumblr description because it has been out of date for a long time now. Before i changed it, it still said “19 & falling”. Like, i’m currently 21 and very much standing on my own two feet thanks very much!
The reason why i decided to just add a little disclaimer at the bottom instead of erasing the whole thing and re-doing it is because i feel like my tumblr completely defines about 80-90% of the best and worst years of my teenage life. Like, if you actually go all the way back to 2008 to 2010, you will find me in the rawest form talking about the things that meant the most to me at the time, be it unrequited love, unforgotten nightmares or unethical affairs. I write best when i’m in pain and those years had a lot of painful moments for me. So completely changing my bio wouldn’t be as feasible for me considering i’m not really active there anymore anyway. But either way, i don’t think i’d ever delete that account so i keep that place as more of a reserve of memories and of how things used to be.
I feel like i should talk more about what i’ve been doing but to be fair, it hasn’t really been much! I’ve mostly been utilizing my time by hanging out with some of my closest friends since i’m leaving soon (not as soon as i was initially supposed to but still pretty soon! Hehe look out for a new chapter of my lifeeeee. A very short one at that, but still something different!).
The last time i left home to do my internship in Jakarta, i dreaded coming home a whole lot which was why i was so adamant to make the best of my situation there despite running out of money within the first two months. Just a combination of family feuds, not feeling appreciated by some people in my life and just having all of these plus some more collide right before i was due to fly off just added to determination to escape the situation. But this time, it’s different. This time i’m saying my proper goodbyes, i’m not running away from anything or anyone, i’m still on good terms with my family (as good as things can get, i suppose) and i guess, i feel loved. For the first time, i’m actually dreading flying off and leaving my loved ones behind. Like, my boyfriend and i have been extra, extra clingy as of late. Bahaha.
But i still very, very much stand my ground that i do NOT want anyone to send me off at the airport. I’m very, very bad at goodbyes and i’d prefer if my short departure be exactly just that– short and sweet. Zip in, zip out. I need that to start off on the right foot. No one needs to be a sobbing, mascara teared mess during a fresh beginning! I can only pray that i have a very, very safe flight throughout.
Okay this post is messy enough as it is so before i add more random topics to it, i’m just going to end here and start a new one! That’s all for now.