The smallest things can trigger big reactions
So tonight is just one of those nights that i’m not okay with going home alone on a Friday night. I mean i’m obviously not looking to bring anyone home with me that way but at the same time, it would be great if i had somewhere to be. I don’t claim to have depression but as a living and breathing human being who is on her period and feeling especially hormonal, sometimes just the smallest things put together in a concession can feel like a great, big “fuck you” from the universe. Usually on Fridays, we get off work pretty early (which f.y.i. is 7pm) and usually i’m okay with going straight home, especially with the traffic and what not. But when i hear colleagues making plans on where to go after work and i’m not invited, obviously i’m bound to feel just a bit shitty. I get that i’m only an intern but when you feel like you get along with your colleagues as well as i do, of course at some point, being a foreigner and all alone in a big city, you eventually hope to bring that workplace banter and friendship to another level. But perhaps in their heads i’m still a foreigner and i’m only a temp so there’s no point in getting too close. Idk
Then to add to it, as i pack up amidst the excited chatter, i dial my boyfriend’s number and he doesn’t pick up until the third try. I mean it’s obviously not his fault, i don’t expect him to be at my every beck and call but it just added to the whole thing. And like to make things worse, when he picked up he was all pissy because his battery was only 3% and he really wanted to eat and he’d had a bad day so that was that and i left him to it. I walk out to the main road, as usual traffic is in full swing and none of the cabs want to take me home eventhough it’s literally a 7 minute drive to my place. Walking takes 15 minutes but the road is really scary at night and my feet hurt like fuck in my new boots so that’s not really an option. After about 4 tries it’s getting quite embarrassing and really upsetting for me and i’m just about to burst into tears (like i’m already hormonal as fuck. Come on, world).
I eventually find a cab that wants to take me home and still feeling like crap, i text some of the other Bruneian interns and woah. The shittiness is overwhelming. It’s none of their faults, obviously, like i can’t stress this enough but at times like these, it really does feel like everyone is out and about without me. One of them is on a road trip with her colleagues on the way to another city. The other two are out at a mall having dinner and desserts together and i wasn’t invited because duh, i usually end work at 10pm so they thought i was still working. So yeay
Update: Right while i was typing this ^ paragraph, i decided to do some damage control and instead of laying it all on my boyfriend (whose birthday is tomorrow) as usual, instead i reached out to someone else who means just as much to me and listens just as well, if not better. We ended up talking for hours on end on Skype and it’s currently 5am right now and words cannot describe how much more elevated i feel. Other than the crazy period cramps i’m going through right now, it’s amazing what talking to the right person can do. Thank you, bb ❤
I’m going to do my best to never feel like this again.
P.s. I usually proofread my posts before posting it up but i don’t feel like reliving the whole ordeal so soon. So please excuse any grammatical mistakes and errors throughout the post! That’s all.