I am an island with bridges and ties to the outside world
The other day i met up with a friend and as we got to talking, it struck me just how many times throughout the conversation that i caught myself saying “oh but we’re not friends anymore” or “yeah but something came up so we’re not on the best of terms/talking terms at the moment” or “i haven’t spoken to them in a while…i guess we just lost contact”. And later on that night as i was scrolling through my old instagram photos in bed reading all the old comments, it struck me just how many of these friends or acquaintances no longer play an active part of my life.
People often attribute this to the inevitable process of growing up and finding our own paths and living our separate lives but is it really?
Thinking back on it, i suppose it all started when me and my boyfriend got together. Things had just started piecing themselves together and finally making sense for the first time in a really, really long and dark space of time so i left behind anything and everything that wasn’t nailed down and i moved on. Some of them are still a part of my life today but barely. And it just made me think, why?
No man is an island but somehow with time, i came to the idea that if i brought my boyfriend, my uni education, my future, my hopes and dreams, i could somehow sufficiently stock this island up with all that i needed and actually make it livable. It’s funny, really.
Sometimes things end up a certain way for certain reasons which tells me that not all severed ties and burnt bridges are bad. Some of them were never meant to last anyway and some of them were just pure toxic to begin with. And some of them just didn’t have enough sustenance from either sides to nourish it.
I’m not completely sure of what i’ll do if i’m planning to do anything at all, other than ensure that my remaining ties with friends that i actually value are strengthened. Which totally means not blowing them off so often and making more of an active effort to maintain contact, as well as, to not bitch about them so often– to myself or anyone (i guess some people take offense at me being such a bitch sometimes but that’s just me! My tolerance for people in general is pretty damn low to begin with so you could be my number one favourite person in the world and i’d still somehow find something to be annoyed about eventually. Sorry i guess?).
However, if it has done one thing, it’s that it made me realize that i’m definitely not going to waste any precious time on any unwanted connections or half-arsed acquaintances that could be spent on people that i actually want to be around. If you’re not worthy to be a part of me then so be it, i don’t want you there because you don’t deserve to be there. It’s either you’re out or you’re in.