Running out of titles tbh

by alittlehoneyformyheart

Super late post! LIKE… 4 days late? Lol I wrote this the night after my last post but procrastination kicked in and i didn’t get around to posting it until… now.

After the hostilities that rolled around last night, it should come as no surprise to you that i was not hopping to be on the first train home today. In fact, i found myself driving at not-breakneck speed on the way back to my house tonight. I just wasn’t looking forward to being in a house where unruliness and petty obligations rule with an iron fist and cold shoulders. In fact, if my boyfriend hadn’t fussed about me driving back home late, i would have stayed later. Anything to avoid it all.

And i was right to dread it.

I came home and no one acknowledged the fact that their first child had stepped foot into the house other than my 3 year old little sister. Way to feel like a million bucks right?

But believe it or not, everything became better after that because i simply refused to have a shit ending to a good day. I called kitty witty #2 (aforementioned 3 year old sister) into my room for a little powwow and a quick Barbie makeover sesh while Kitty Witty #1 (who’s 7) eventually slunk into my room after being shooed off the laptop to mope about how he was bored and how he didn’t have anything else in the world to do. It’s sad to see kids as young as that being so reliant on the internet to fill their days. Take the laptop away and it’s like taking their souls away or pulling the plug on their lives. I felt hopeless as fuck myself because i had no idea what the hell i was supposed to ask him to do. I didn’t relish the idea of him leaving my room and looking for some other virtual entertainment to bury himself in and yet i didn’t have anything else for this 7 year old to do other than arranging my shoe rack for the 527th time for me.

But i thought harder and realized i wanted to spark something in him that he would remember for the rest of his life, even if just one night or for a mere few hours. I wanted to ingrain in him dreams, ambition and values for the future and at the same time i wanted to get to know who my 7 year old brother really was and is going to be, minus the dickheadedness that 4 hours straight of violent gaming tends to bring about.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Wally?”

I expected him to give some generic reply which he usually coughs up in an attempt to impress his older brother (i.e. “professional gamer”) but surprisingly, he gave it thought for about a second and a half and replied, “An architect”. I totes appreciated the fact that he was being as serious about this question as a  7 year old could be.

“An architect? Oh why? You want to build houses?” to which he nods.

After some rustling around my magazine rack which is filled to the brim and find a copy of Elle Decor Italia a few months old (I bought it eventhough the entire thing is written in Italian because i thought it would make it easier for me to cut them out for my mood boards lol- never an easy feat for me).

And the rest is history. We spent the rest of the night just lying on the bed flipping through the magazine and pointing out things like lamps, sinks, centre pieces and ceiling fixtures that we envision being in our future homes, with the occasional deep insight provided by Kitty Witty #2 on how she “lavs the Barbie princess chair!”. Swimming pools (we both prefer lighter tiles) and furniture (he prefers sloppy chaise lounges all around while i would rather opt for a cushy love seat with casually strewn statement chairs here and there) were a big feature of tonight’s discussion. At one point i realized the depth of our conversation when he pointed out a darling four poster bed in a beautiful, minimalist room in washed out pink and mentioned “That’s going to be my daughter’s room!”. I just loved the innocence and enthusiasm with which that was said. To me it said a lot of who my brother really was, someone who wants the best for his loved ones, unselfish, soft hearted, thoughtful.

Eventually, i introduced the idea of being an interior designer to him which he fell for but was immediately squashed by my darling mother who is ever the pessimist. We then moved on to the World Hotels Portfolio 2013 which i stole from a hotel earlier this year which we spent another hour or so poring over breathtaking hotels from Budapest to China to everywhere else around the world. At that moment, I wanted nothing more but for him to absorb the boundlessness of the world into every pore of his tiny body and to just realize that the world is so much bigger than what he thinks it is. I want him to grow up into an insightful, imaginative, sweet innocent young man who persists in the face of failures and obstacles. Once upon a time, my parents instilled that idea in me back when all we had was each other but somehow along the way with all the new additions, they forgot how to do that and eventually just resorted to being bare, minimalistic parents who provide for their children (to which i am still grateful).

Around 2 in the morning, after 44 straight wins of playing Kids Hangman, i carried both of them to my parents’ bedroom in my arms, said both the Lord’s prayer and the long prayer with them (upon their request!). I don’t think i’ve felt more accomplished as an older sister in a long time. Tonight was definitely a memory to be cherished. I’m still disappointed with my parents and i still don’t know how to react to my father’s undignified verbal punch.  But it made me realize that how your day goes is out of your control sometimes but how you feel about it at the end of the day is completely up to you. And that’s it.