What do you call a polar bear with dual personalities?
The happenings of tonight seem to have made a heavier impact on me than i initially realized.
Do you know that snowball effect where something terrible happens and before you know it, it feels as though your entire life is slowly but steadily going down the drain literally within moments, minutes and just hours and hours of having too much time to think?
It’s happening, it’s happening right now as i type this.
For some maddeningly illogical reason, it just popped into my head that my boyfriend might not love me as much as i love him which is insane because my boyfriend is perhaps the most loving person i have ever encountered in my life. And most importantly, he loves me more than anyone else has ever loved me before.
When we first got together, it took me a while to actually get used to being loved with such a ferocity because i couldn’t wrap my head around this…other unrelated human being who was not a family member just wanting to be around me all the time. But yea the point is, even as i’m saying this i’m aware that it’s insane that i’m even doubting for a moment.
Lately, there’s been a change in the atmosphere of our relationship in the sense that i’ve just fallen in love with him all over again. I have no idea what’s changed. It could be the fact that it’s October which just happens to be a month full of celebration for the both of us and in the light of festivities it could have reignited something in me I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA. But the point is…i feel like i’ve grown much more dependent on him. I’m usually quite detached and i tend to take a “yeah okay whatever go away” approach but now i actually just want to spend all day in his arms, just doing…just that.
And naturally, being the most paranoid bitch around in a flurry of emotions and family hostilities, just an hour or two ago i somehow came to the conclusion that he’s been slacking more lately because he now feels that since we’re on equal par now, he can take me forgranted. He hasn’t given any indication whatsoever, on the contrary he’s been as amazing as he always has been so i really don’t know what the point of this stupid post is. Probably just black and white evidence my impending insanity. Lol i obviously have shit issues about being overlooked and underestimated. Anyway, i’ve been fending off these ridiculous notions by making a mix tape for our upcoming second year anniversary on this 29th!
I’ve downloaded shitloads of cliched songs and covers (okay Glee) which i know he’ll love (maybe?) and some others that are more to my liking but which he’ll listen to anyway because i’ll tell him to pay special close attention to the lyrics! This post was started like two hours ago but apparently, i’ve managed to cheer myself up in that duration while searching for all my favourite love songs and in case you can’t tell, this post is ending on a happier note than it started on. Yayy me! Will post up the final list of songs that i’ve decided on! However, i can say that this song has had a lot to do with me feeling better (cheesy cheery poppy boyband-ish love songs FTW!)
“If this is love, then love is easy. It’s the easiest thing to do.”
“If this is love, then love completes me cause it feels like i’ve been missing you”