Confessions of a part-time bitch #1
I’m not saying i’m a bitch twenty four seven and that i’m proud of it but i can’t lie and say that i haven’t had my moments. Mostly because you could ask anyone around me and they’d try to sugarcoat the facts (or not) by giving you 500 synonyms of bitch so i literally can’t lie to you.
Confession number one
Do you know those annoying girls on facebook? The ones that spam the shit out of your newsfeed with their illiterate six paragraph rants and overconfident claims and self praises? The ones who you feel like removing from your friend list and then blocking them (virtually and physically- on the head-with a brick-shaped block)?
Yeah, we get the gist.
But what i’m trying to tell you is quite disturbing and may leave you slightly confused and flummoxed and with a slight inclination to wring my neck.
I actually enjoy keeping these girls on facebook.
In fact, despite my precautions (against starting a completely immature facebook fight in my attempts to refute their entire lives) by hiding them from my newsfeed, every once in a while, late at night when everyone’s sleeping, instead of watching porn i’ll go to their profiles and i’ll stalk them and go through their walls and pictures etc. (to be frank, i don’t actually know which one is more detrimental towards my mental health).
And then i proceed to look at all the pictures of them with their birds-of-a-feather clan and i take comfort in knowing that i am better looking and more fashionable than any of them will ever be in their wildest dreams. And if they were hanging out somewhere and i happened to walk in the same restaurant as them, their complacent “down to earth” facade will be shaken just a bit as they try to regain their spirits and maintain their blissful blathering confidence by whispering about how uncomfortable i must feel in my four inch heels and how much more better off they are wearing their Xiao Bao Jieng slippers.
And when i’m done, i close my laptop and settle into bed for a comfortable, long night’s rest.
P.s. I know my own insecurities become glaringly obvious in the light of this post but show me a girl with none and i’ll show you MJ’s tanning bed.