No, they just don’t know

by alittlehoneyformyheart

At the moment, i couldn’t feel more disgusting or depressed with myself

It always happens…right after i try on a couple of clothes in my own closet might i add, and none of them fit me.

I was losing weight a few days ago because i controlled quite a bit and all of a sudden, idk what happened and  i went back to my normal eating habits and here i am covered in cellulite, stretch marks and just flabs everywhere.

I’m ridiculous.

I just hate how i look, i hate how during the entire day i have had to pull up my underwear which keep rolling down because it cannot stay on my ginormous, protruding muffin top. And yet whenever i pull it up, about 3 inches of my bright red underwear sticks out of my pants for the first ten minutes.

So i have to pick between an incredible muffin top which you can see through my working pants or having them wave to the crowds at the back.

I want to cry i want to puke i just want to lose weight so badly and yet apparent not badly enough because here i am fat as fuck and ugly as shit. And getting worst by the minute.

I have an emcee gig tomorrow morning for the opening ceremony of some visit by Thai students and i don’t have anything to wear. I tried on three blazers, one of which used to be a size or two too large for me and one which fit me snugly. None of which i can fit anymore.

I tried on some of my newer tops but none of it seemed to fit the occasion tomorrow. I could cry.  I wish at times i was anorexic so at least i could puke all the shit out.