Livid

by alittlehoneyformyheart

Have you ever been so livid that you haven’t a clue as to whether you should start crying or laughing?

So full of rage that you feel as though nothing in this world would ever be able to provide a solution to the building confusion and resentment inside of you?

… have you ever felt that way towards your own mother?

My mother has had problems with her mother her whole life and i think bits of that animosity have started latching itself unto her own daughter; me.

So as you know i just got back from a trip to Jakarta and i took heaps and heaps of pictures because a) my mum, who is literally crazy over her camera, finally let go of it long enough for me to take it with me on my trip under the condition that i make full use of it and b) because it’s my first vacation on my own with my boyfriend and obviously, i need to document it as much as possible for memory’s sake.

I got back a few days ago and told her i’d taken lots of pictures for her. Tonight i got back and she nonchalantly mentioned that she’d uploaded some of my photos into the laptop and deleted the rest that “she didn’t like”.

Obviously, i was shocked for a few milliseconds until i burst into hysterical tears.

I asked her which exactly were these photos that she “didn’t like” and she rattled off a bunch of pictures that i’d taken in places which i had fallen in love with on my stay there. And i was just stood there, stunned that any human being with a perfectly functional brain would be capable of such thing.  I asked her again through my increasing tears exactly how many photos she deleted. “A LOT!” she replied, indicating her increasing impatience at my “overreaction”.

It’s been an hour and i am still equally astounded. Why the hell would she think it would be alright to go on the camera, sift through a few hundred photos that i’d taken and then delete them and leave me with thirty? Without me even backing any of them up? Her excuse was that she “wanted her camera back” and “needed the memory”, well guess what, i looked through the camera and there were two thousand old photos that she had already backed up, printed and uploaded on facebook and she could have erased those but she didn’t. Instead she chose to delete MY most recent photos.

I said what needed to be said and i told her upfront that even if she was jealous that i had been on a nice vacation with my other half and she’s been stuck on stupid two hour road trips for the past eight years because they cannot afford to bring the entire family on an overseas vacation does not mean she can take it out on me. And i know i hit the nail on the head because she’s been bugging my dad to save up money for a family vacation for forever but surprise surprise this family is shite at saving.

I meant every single word of it and i won’t take it back. And just as she has no remorse for her actions, i have none for my words.

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