A Little Honey For My Heart

Just your untypical youth, in so many words. Content unrestricted.

Nature’s Girl

“I saw you heading somewhere early this morning today. Did you finally go for that jog?”

“I’d like to say I did but I went something for a little more… soul enriching”.

As she went up to the second floor rooftop early that morning to clear her head, she passed by the empty rooms of previous apartment mates, some of whom she had shared fleetingly good moments with, all who had left without saying goodbye. It saddened her that somewhere out there in unknown worlds that she would probably go through her whole life without ever exploring, there were people who knew she existed, people who she would never forget and yet there it was, a lost connection before they had ever really established any sort of signal.

And yet, it reminded her, as clichéd as it was, that life moves on. People come and go, nothing is ever really in our control. It was a reminder that she frequently needed reminding of, one that she had often and would keep on forgetting.

Once on the roof, she could hear the activity of life rustling into consciousness, stirring the air around her and creating an oddly calming effect knowing that her heart was at peace even in the oncoming chaos that would rise and then slowly simmer down over the course of the next 24 hours.

Two workers getting ready for a day’s worth of labour, rubbing the sleep from their eyes and rising from their makeshift beds on top of a neighbouring building’s rooftop. Soon enough, the sound of their drills and machines would fill the air, less of an intrusion, more of an opening tune.

And then a few streets down, the hustle and bustle of a primary school as children warmed up their engines and enthusiastically geared up for the rest of the day with a series of rhymes and jaunts.

She smiled to herself as she inhaled from her cigarette, overcome with unexpected relief that her days in constraining and restrictive institutions were over (the future workplace though… that would be a whole different story).

Thinking of how she would tackle her writer’s block, her eyes searched around for more doses of inspiration, hungry for a glimpse of something, anything that would hopefully prompt the sluggishness of the mind away.

Eighty feet below her, a sole motorcyclist delivering newspapers rumbled through the tiny streets that would within the next hour or so begin to fill up with the chaos that made up Indonesia’s trademark traffic.

Another five hundred away, the majestic stature of faraway hotels stood on top of rumbling hills, proudly aware of the effect they had on even the most lackadaisical state of mind and how their many winking windows inspired awe. They glinted at her with knowing glances happily reminding her of one of her favourite Wes Andersen films to date.

Unlike the unforgiving harsh wind that the Indonesians were familiar with (always accompanied with a disapproving shake of their resentful heads, “masuk angin”, they called it), a soothing cool wind blew all around her, providing her with ample warning of the showers to come throughout the day.

The sky brightened and the mountains became clearer and clearer and it was then that it hit her square in between the eyes.

Sitting up there at an ungodly hour (“ungodly” at least to her unaccustomed eyes), in her hideous but sinfully comfortable old-woman pajamas (“daster”, they called it, no doubt another subconscious adaptation from Dutch predecessors), not a hint of makeup on her face, fake eyelash extensions flapping in the wind and unshaved legs bare with all its hairs standing proudly in the chill of the morning for all the world to see… she knew that she had never before felt this particular kind of bliss.

Happiness, yes. Joy, plenty. Satisfaction, not so much but then again, she was greedy. But this peaceful, amorous bliss that overtook every fiber of her daster-clad being, ignoring the rough chill of the cement floor under her bottom, the mild itch on her palms from being so close to nature and insects, this was different.

It didn’t matter that in a few weeks she would be back to her mundane life in her rich but equally if not more mundane country where cigarettes, alcohol and fun were scarce. It didn’t matter that one of the best years of her life spent in one of her favourite countries would be coming to a close. Neither was the fact that she was almost broke and that as much as she wanted to stay, her finances were expressing a different sentiment altogether.

All she knew was that she wouldn’t weep because it was over no matter how much the floodgates threatened to collapse. Instead she would rejoice and shout in defiant joy from the rooftops that it had happened.

For once, she would take a step back from her long-term plans and her ambitions and just breathe with the miracle of the present.

And as simple as that, there was a change in the wind and the itch in her palms travelled further up and overtook a different force on its own. With that, she pulled her laptop unto her lap and started writing, writing a story that had taken all too long to form.

Even then it didn’t really matter that it had taken that long because… here it finally was.

And I don’t know if I’ll ever feel this way again and I don’t know if I’ve even taken enough pictures. But if there’s one thing I will bring back with me, it’s the knowledge that I’ll never be satisfied with living life small.

WARNING: DRUNKEN RAMBLING AHEAD (May or may not make sense)

I can’t believe he used free drinks as a bribe to keep us quiet.

Like, i may be slightly intoxicated but that does not allow me to ignore the fact that he actually asked to keep quiet if we keep on wanting to get free drinks at the club.

Like, okay, cool, he owns an important share of the club and he may be part-owner which means frequent and continuous access to the club whenever we want to even on a crowded Friday night but duuuude, to think that you actually think that you can buy our silence with your promises to supply us with free drinks while you exchange saliva with our mate right beside our bed while we’re supposedly “sleeping” is a fucking cheap move.

And i know i’m not really anyone and i know that your connections could do a lot for us in the long run but, man, for a guy with shitloads of money and endless connections, that’s really fucking low of you.

I know i’m not one to talk and all considering i call myself an “avid writer/reader” and yet here i am at 5 a.m. slightly drunk and heavily relying on auto-grammar correct to get me through this post, but i am just thoroughly disgusted that you think that we need your free flow of alcohol and recognition that badly in order to have a good time.

Fuck you, man, i can buy my own drinks.

I can have my own good time!

Screw you.

And i know i may be reading the words out loud as i type while watching reruns of “Sheriff Callie” on Disney Junior and singing along to the banjo solos, considering i’m not exactly at my best form but darn it, i am a proud woman with high expectations and self-ambition!

And i know i pre-drank before i entered the club because i’m kinda on a budget (i.e. no money to spare for alcohol to get drunk on), plus i also have leftover soju from our last drinking session, which i guess is kinda pretty lame but eugh, the audacity of you!

Also okay, so my eyes are half-closed and i’m kinda scared to fall asleep in case i wake up with a crashing hangover and a truckful of hateful comments but EUGH. You scum!

P.s. Not saying i wouldn’t appreciate easy access into the club whenever i want to though, plus a free flow of Jaeger bombs all night, because like, i totally would.

But eugh. You dodgy.

Although i did leave in quite a huff because i was just so disgusted with sounds of your lips smacking together while you know i’m supposed to be sleeping on the next bed but mostly i’m just nastied out by myself, that i actually allowed it to happen. Also, i know i’ve snored about three times since i started typing this out but i still have my pride dammit!

It’s a Norah Jones kinda night

Listening to ^ as i’m typing this very belated post out. Accurately sums up what i’m feeling right now.

It’s currently 5 a.m. and i’m finally settled in bed. I feel sorry for this space for keeping it empty for so long, in fact i almost feel ashamed to see how bare i’ve left it for the past three months. I’m even more scared to see my follower count and i’m actually averting my eyes to avoid seeing my view counts. Life in Bandung has changed for me and i’ve very much warmed up to my life here. I don’t really yearn for Jakarta as much as i did when i first arrived, i know that it’s my happy place and i know that it’ll be there waiting for me to go back to whenever i need an escape but for now Bandung is pretty much home for me. Despite how difficult it is to find taxis here and how i don’t really have a place to wear my fancy outfits to or do my hair for, i love the simplicity of my day to day routine. It’s definitely not as fancy as my life in Jakarta but at the same time, i get by with the bare minimum. Life is simple here but not boring, definitely not boring. Maybe it’s because a new batch of friends whom i actually share common interests with has arrived so i finally have a chance to be exposed to the other side of Bandung (i.e. nightclubs and bars), one which i actually really and truly enjoy.

I love my life here, i love how i live in an apartment building with all my friends so i get my own space but i also know i don’t have to be alone if i don’t want to be, i love that it’s so simple to get around here even on ghetto public transport, i love how the night never ends young and that you never have to go home feeling empty at 10pm because all the shops have closed and you have nowhere to go to but back to your own house. The bars here have a different feel than the ones in Jakarta and i can’t even describe it, they’re big and airy and beautiful and everything else that you’d never expect of a bar. Jakarta has all my favourite fancy restaurants at the tip of my fingers but i’d say that Bandung has its fill of amazing watering holes. But my point is, i don’t want to go back.

Typical of me, i know.

But there you go, that’s why i haven’t been updating my blog as much as i want to. I just want to savour every moment i have here, even if it’s just laying down in bed and watching my tv in peace, i know i won’t have the leisure to do so when i’m back home since: a) i don’t have cable tv in my room and b) my room back home doesn’t even come close to being as relaxing as my room here. Hell, i haven’t even gone on a youtube binge since i got here because you know how people say “you can sleep when you’re dead”? Yeah, i have that same kind of mentality except it’s more of “you can youtube binge til you’re blue in the face when you’re back in Brunei where there are no bars or clubs or karaoke lounges to speak of”. On a side note, it’s funny how much i hoard all kinds of shit in my room in Brunei because i insist that i’m going to need that brochure one day or that i’m going to magically come across the other half of my earring that fell into the sink or that i’m going to repair the shoe with only half a sole attached to it. But i came here with two suitcases and i’m doing just fine with what i have.

I do hope to be able to log on here and fill you guys in with at least some of the events that have occurred so that i can read back and reflect accurately instead of reminscing a blurred and inaccurate interpretation of what happened a few months back.

But i highly doubt it.

Either way, i’ll be back here soon! <3

Hideous green houses + Seeing sense in sensible granny sweaters + Extremely long weekend wasted

11 a.m.: Currently just sat down on the third floor common room, with this view in front of me.


Much gloom, such misery

I love that we have such a great rooftop spot to chill on (including another steeper one right on top of the literal roof) but i don’t love that puke green house that is an eyesore. It’s hideous and it completely impedes the view (which if i’m being completely honest, isn’t all that great in the daytime because of it). Lol i actually wanted to be all self-reflectory and sit on the patio itself with my laptop but it started drizzling so i just have to be content with these communal velvet chairs. Lol

I knew Bandung would be cold because tons of people warned me about it but was nowhere expecting it to be like “sweater weather 24/7″ sort of cold, especially since it’s raining season now. I’ve been here all of a week and i’ve already bought three sweaters and one cardigan and believe me, sweaters are really usually not my thing (umm they make me look twice my size like a walking snowball) since there’s also rarely use for them in the Bruneian equatorial weather. I pride myself on my love for the cold but damn son, those granny hand-knitted sweaters be all the rage in my wardrobe right now.

Don’t judge, Bridget. It’s very practical!

12.58 a.m.: Earlier today the guy came in to fix my television! Weeeee! Cause instead of taking it out of my rent which is like $30 extra per month, my boyfriend talked some sense into me and managed to convince me to let him buy a television instead since he calculated that it would cost around the same price and i’d get to keep it in the end as well. Pretty smart eh? Well idk if the joke’s on me or not since i’ll be the one dealing with it when i leave Bandung but for now, i’m just glad it’s finally working! Initially no one could get it to work because there was something wrong with the antenna so they told me to wait while they got in touch with the service provider but i waited and waited an entire week and still nothing. I even considered that they were delaying the repairs since i chose to bring my own tv instead of renting one of theirs but lol no.

I don’t think i have plans for the weekend yet…sadly enough. I purposely avoided signing up for any modules on Friday so i’ll be able to start my weekend early (like, really early cause my Thursday classes end by 11am HEE) but at this point, it’s driving me crazy having so much time on my hands and having no way to fill them. Everything just feels so uncertain right now, i’m not sure if i’m pms-ing or if like the rest say, it’s still too early to go exploring yet or if this is really just a part of the process settling down. But i dislike this feeling of being on the edge…it feels oddly disconcerting. Almost too comfortable to the point of discomfort because i don’t fancy the idea of making this whole “staying in and going to the same two malls every other day” ordeal into a norm. I wish i could say that same for the people i’m with but i can’t. All i can say right now is that these people are legit homebodies and i’m…not really.

Okay i’m getting sort of sleepy but you know, since i have no plans anyway, i’ll most likely start watching Downton Abbey again. That’s all for now! xx


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